In the Waiting - He never fails....

 

Breathe....The output of breathing has been my main focus the past year. While I continue to breathe, and continue to put one foot in front of the other, there are days I just don't want to. Breathing is such an interesting function. Something we do with zero thought process, yet this past year I have felt every breath. A breath is something we see in the cold, something we see people do for the first time and also the last. 

breath·ing

/ˈbrēT͟HiNG/

noun

1. 1.

   the process of taking air into and expelling it from the lungs.

   "his breathing was shallow"
2. 2.

   a sign in Greek (῾ or ᾿) indicating the presence of an aspirate (rough breathing) or the absence of an aspirate (smooth breathing) at the beginning of a word.

One year ago today, I received a diagnosis that shook me to my core - ILC - Breast Cancer. In that moment, I took a deep breath and made a choice to fight, to persevere, and to find strength within myself . This wasn't my first encounter with cancer, but it was different. At the age of 41, facing the uncertainty and challenges that lay ahead seemed overwhelming.

As I sat there, listening to my surgeon explain the first step in my journey - a double mastectomy - I knew that I had to rise above my own embarrassment of being sick. I had to push aside the worries of how others would perceive me and focus. The love and support of my husband, family, friends and kids became my guide, reminding me that we were in this together.

At times, the weight of sadness threatens to consume me, but I refuse to let it define my spirit. It's incredible how acknowledging our sadness can make others uncomfortable, but I learned to embrace the awkwardness and find solace in the genuine care of those around me. Their presence, even if they don't have the right words, remind me that I am not alone. 

Leaving the doctor's office that day, I don't recall much about the drive home with Brian. The silence between us was filled with unspoken fears and unshed tears. We both longed for this nightmare to simply disappear. Despite the heaviness, I made a decision to attend a previously scheduled work lunch with my colleagues. In the midst of processing this life-altering news, a constant refrain played in my mind, echoing what I had just been told.

Today, as I reflect on the past year, I am filled with an indescribable need to feel sad today and to not feel guilty about feeling sad.  This journey has taught me that even in the face of adversity, we can find the courage to keep moving forward even when there are days we don't want to. 

In this significant milestone in my life, I can't help but feel a mix of melancholy and gratitude. Today, I want to take a moment to acknowledge and hold space for others who may be going through their own struggles. We often present a façade of strength, sharing only the highlight reels of our lives. But what lies behind the scenes, after the reel has ended? It is in those moments of deep, unfiltered emotion that we truly experience the essence of being human.

Contrary to popular belief, sadness is not a sign of weakness or a cry for pity. Instead, it is a testament to our capacity for profound feeling. Yet, embracing these emotions is something I struggle with personally. However, today I am determined to dive deep into my emotions, to love fiercely, and to give back to those who need it.

Though I may not be ready yet to inspire others and guide them towards finding their inner strength, I know that day will come. No matter the obstacles that may come our way, we hold within us the power to overcome, heal, and thrive. It is vital for us to remember that even in our darkest moments, the indomitable human spirit has the remarkable ability to rise above, to shine brightly, and to inspire those who witness it.

My story is not just my own, but a message of endless possibilities and triumph for all who are dealing with a struggle in their life. Together, let us face each day with unwavering strength, knowing that we possess the courage to conquer anything that comes our way.  Through every breath we take, every belief we hold, and every inspiring gesture we make, let us ignite a fire within each other on this incredible journey called life.

I am not sure where this blog will take me, or how often I will share the many journal entries I have created, but for me I vow to make today the start of understanding the new me. 

Today we delivered cupcakes to The Christ Cancer 

Hospital Center in honor of our Act of Kindness - 

Thank you to my husband Brian, 

for allowing today to be exactly what I needed.